


Make making it your intention

by yourbuttervoicedbeau (kiwiana)



Series: Songs from the Jukebox [Prompt Fills] [61]
Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Dialogue, Episode: s06e14 Happy Ending, Happy ending positive, M/M, POV Patrick Brewer, Recreational Drug Use, Sex Worker Positive, Stevie Budd Sometimes Helps, so if either of those are an issue skip this one!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:53:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28007253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiwiana/pseuds/yourbuttervoicedbeau
Summary: Patrick:I’m going to hire someone to… relax David the morning of the weddingStevie:How modern of youStevie:Why don’t you get like a masseuse that does happy endings? That way even if he’s not into the whole orgasm part there’s at least a chance of making him bearable for the rest of the dayPatrick:Stevie Budd, you’re a goddamn genius
Relationships: Patrick Brewer & Stevie Budd, Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Series: Songs from the Jukebox [Prompt Fills] [61]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1775569
Comments: 70
Kudos: 198





	Make making it your intention

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Januarium](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Januarium/gifts).



> In the midst of a discussion about the happy ending plot line, Januarium said "Can we have the AU where Patrick _did_ arrange this on purpose and he got Stevie to help him, please?" So... here it is. 
> 
> Title is, of course, from Frankie Goes To Hollywood.

**Friday, August 24: 10 days before the wedding**

David tells him the story, later; about how he and Stevie drove out to see the cottage, about how Stevie basically beat him over the head with how good his life is in Schitt’s Creek, about how they both cried. And Patrick meant it when he said he could be happy in New York, with David, but…

Well.

He’s going to buy Stevie Budd as much wine as she goddamn wants, that’s all.

**TEXT MESSAGE:**

Stevie  
  
**Fri, 24 Aug,** 8:49 PM  
**Patrick:** Thank you, Stevie  
**Stevie:** Can you thank me by getting David to stop fucking texting me about the guestbook layout?  
**Stevie:** I mean, assuming you want me to have not strangled your groom by your wedding day  
**Patrick:** On it. I’ll distract him.  
**Stevie:** Gross  
**Stevie:** Fine, go have your ‘yay we’re staying in Schitt’s Creek’ sex

* * *

**Saturday, August 25: 9 days before the wedding**

Over the last couple of years, Patrick has smoked more weed with Stevie and David than he ever smoked in the entirety of his life before Schitt’s Creek. He knows that it makes him adventurous, causing the others to grumble and groan as he tries (and usually fails) to coax them into leaving the apartment; he knows that David gets touchy-feely, and is usually the one to call Stevie a ride to spare her the inevitable sex show it would turn into if she stayed; he knows that Stevie ends up languid and loose in a way she’d never let herself be otherwise. 

Which is why it’s a surprise to find out that there’s a limit to her stoned relaxation, and that limit is apparently how wound up David is with less than a week and a half until his wedding.

Their wedding.

David has spent the last hour pacing back and forth in front of the fireplace, arms flailing wildly enough to put the photo frame on the mantle in danger as he frets about the reception playlist and whether the menu is correct and when he’s going to have time to break in his wedding shoes, while Patrick tries to placate him and Stevie winds him up further in her usual helpful way.

Eventually David has to take a break from freaking out to go to the bathroom, and as soon as the door closes behind him Stevie turns to Patrick with an exaggerated roll of her eyes. 

“Oh my god, he’s unbearable. You sure you want to shackle yourself till death do you part?” 

Despite himself — and despite how admittedly frustrating David is being right now — Patrick can’t stop the slightly dopey grin that he knows appears on his face every time he thinks _David’s going to be my husband._ “Still the easiest decision of my life.”

There’s a loud, fake retching noise in response, but Patrick just laughs as he plucks the joint out of her hands. He takes a long hit, letting it out slowly before he voices the worry that’s burrowed into the back of his mind over the course of the evening. “I’m not totally sure how he’s going to cope the day of, though.”

Stevie buries her face in her hands, a curtain of dark hair covering them as she slumps forward. “I don’t even want to think about it.”

Patrick laughs. “Regretting that Maid of Honour thing yet?”

“Every day.” She pushes her hair away as she sits back up and snatches the joint back, and Patrick pretends not to see the proud smile tugging at the corner of her lips that belies the snark. “I wish there was something that would chill him out, but there’s not enough weed in the world that will calm down David Rose on his wedding day. And there’s nothing else that relaxes him.”

“Well, there is one thing.” The words are out before he can stop them, but he’s surprised to find he doesn’t actually mind them hanging in the air between them. It’s not nearly as uncomfortable as it should be, having a best friend who’s also had sex with his fiancé.

Stevie snorts. “You’re not wrong, but I also know there’s no _way_ you’re going to have time for that the morning of. Besides, isn’t Alexis insisting that you guys sleep apart the night before?”

“She is.” David had acquiesced surprisingly quickly, only putting up a token argument about how it’s a stupid and outdated tradition, which Patrick had taken to mean he’s going to miss his sister more than he’s willing to admit. But Stevie’s right — it does rule out the half-formed idea that had been sparking in his brain, to set an alarm and slide under the sheets and wake David up with the sort of drawn-out orgasm that always leaves him boneless and relaxed after. 

The idea forms slowly, curling around him like the smoke of the joint. “But just because I won’t, doesn’t mean someone else can’t.”

There are a lot of things being with David has taught him about relationships — how good they can be when your partner is a gender you’re actually attracted to, sure, but other things too. The morning after their first night together, when they’d borrowed Stevie’s apartment and Patrick had learned _come so hard you see stars_ wasn’t just a romance novel cliché, he’d also learned that ‘monogamous’ wasn’t a yes or no question but a series of boundaries that could be negotiated. They’d revisited those lines a little bit after the Ken thing, and more seriously when they went to Jake’s for a whiskey that turned out to be more of an entire distillery. One of the things they’d talked about then was that while neither of them felt any desire to sleep with anyone else if the other isn’t involved, it’s not necessarily completely off the table as long as the other person has full knowledge of it ahead of time.

Patrick’s still turning the idea over in his head when Stevie turns to him, one sardonic eyebrow raised. “Okay, I wasn’t expecting to have to say this, but I draw the Maid of Honour line at giving David a hand job the morning of his wedding.”

Patrick snorts, dropping his head back onto the couch behind him. “Not what I meant, but thanks for the clarification.”

“Great.” Stevie reaches out a finger, jabbing him surprisingly hard in the shoulder. “So—”

“Fuck, who is even manning the gift table?” David bursts out of the bathroom in a high-pitched flurry, and Patrick immediately switches back into assurances that _it’s all taken care of, David, really, why don’t you come sit?_

* * *

**Sunday, August 26: 8 days before the wedding**

**TEXT MESSAGE:**

Stevie  
  
**Sun, 26 Aug,** 9:06 AM  
**Patrick:** I think I’m going to do it  
**Stevie:** Congrats, do you need a birds and bees talk?  
**Stevie:** Bees and bees?  
**Patrick:** Ha ha.  
**Patrick:** I’m going to hire someone to… relax David the morning of the wedding  
**Stevie:** How modern of you  
**Stevie:** Why don’t you get like a masseuse that does happy endings? That way even if he’s not into the whole orgasm part there’s at least a chance of making him bearable for the rest of the day  
**Patrick:** Stevie Budd, you’re a goddamn genius  
**Read** 9:12 AM

**GOOGLE SEARCH:**

Google

Happy ending massage Elmdale Ontario

About 725,000 results (0.63 seconds)

**GOOGLE SEARCH:**

Google

How to respectfully hire a sex worker

About 23,900,000 results (0.57 seconds)

* * *

**Monday, August 27: 7 days before the wedding**

**EMAIL:**

From: booking@allureindependentmassage.ca

Subject: Booking confirmation

To: patrickanthonybrewer@gmail.com

Sent: 27 Aug 2018 10:43

Hello,

Thanks for booking your appointment with Allure Independent Massage. Here are all the details you need:

**When:** Mon, 03 Sep 2020 at 10:00AM  
**Service:** 60 minute in-home HE  
**Practitioner:** Andrew

Payments are cash only and must be provided before the commencement of treatment.

If you need to cancel your appointment, please give us 24 hours notice.

Please let us know if you have any questions.

Best wishes,  
Allure Independent Massage

* * *

**Tuesday, August 28: 6 days before the wedding**

“Fuck fucking fuck, Fabian’s asking us if there are any changes we need to the ceremony draft he sent us, and we have a new shipment of body milk coming in today that’s going to need to go out on the floor because we’re basically out, and I don’t know when we’re going to get a chance to—”

“David, breathe. We can close for lunch and go over it together, okay?”

“Okay. Okay. Sorry. I just want our day to be perfect.”

“Hey, you said _our day_ first time! I’m honoured.”

“You’re not as funny as you think you are.”

* * *

**Wednesday, August 29: 5 days before the wedding**

**EMAIL:**

From: patrickanthonybrewer@gmail.com

Subject: Photo list

To: ray@raybutanirealestatephotographytravel.com

CC: davidrose@gmail.com

Sent: 29 Aug 2018 18:07

Attached:  photolist.docx (9 KB) 

Hi Ray,

Please see attached a list of the formal/posed photos we’d like to get between the ceremony and reception with our family members etc.

Apart from that, we’re just really excited for you to capture the day.

Thanks again,  
Patrick

* * *

**Thursday, August 30: 4 days before the wedding**

“Did we make the final payment to the florist?”

“We did.”

“And the DJ?”

“Of course.”

“And—”

“David.” Patrick takes David’s face in both his hands, kissing him soundly until he feels a reluctant smile tugging at David’s lips. “All the payments are taken care of, okay? I even got your dad to send through a copy of the receipt from the caterer, just to be on the safe side.”

David’s face relaxes, just a little. “Thank you. Sorry. Fuck. I just want everything to be perfect.”

* * *

**Friday, August 31: 3 days before the wedding**

**TEXT MESSAGE:**

Stevie  
  
**Fri, 31 Aug,** 7:33 PM  
**Stevie:** You might want to remind your husband to be that I’ll be giving a speech at the reception, and that I have LOTS of stories from when he first came here  
**Patrick:** I think Alexis got in his head about the favours  
**Patrick:** I’m about to put on Notting Hill, if that doesn’t distract him nothing will  
**Stevie:** You’d think he would have learned not to listen to Alexis by now

* * *

**Saturday, September 1: 2 days before the wedding**

“Okay, but can we really trust Stevie with the rings, though?”

“Of course we can.”

“Oh, no, definitely not.” 

Patrick and Stevie speak at the same time, and Patrick shoots her a questioning glare as she does. She just shrugs, blinking at David with eyes far too wide to be sincere.

David purses his lips. “I know you’re just trying to get out of a job, but I’m also not willing to risk it.” He scrunches up his nose, looking back at Patrick. “I guess we’ll just… keep yours in my pocket and vice versa?”

“Okay, David.”

* * *

**Sunday, September 2: 1 day before the wedding**

“This is a stupid tradition.”

Patrick laughs, leaning in for one last kiss — though he’s thought that about the last three kisses too, so who knows. “I don’t know, David, there’s something nostalgic about dropping you off here while your entire family pretends they’re not eavesdropping.”

“Ew, Patrick, we are not!”

David laughs helplessly as Alexis’ voice reaches them through the door, dropping his head onto Patrick’s shoulder. “Last chance. Are you sure you want to marry into all of this?”

“More than anything.” He knows the words are more sincere than really called for, but when David releases a deep sigh against the fabric of his shirt Patrick knows it was the right call.

“I love you.”

“I love you. Hey.” One more kiss — definitely the last one this time. Almost definitely. “Just relax tonight, okay? Enjoy the time with your family. Everything’s set for tomorrow. It’s going to be perfect.”

* * *

**Monday, September 3: the day of the wedding**

Patrick really, really should have checked the weather forecast.

He probably also should have insisted on a tent.

He sips his tea while David panic eats his way through three bagels, under-eye patches firmly attached. Eventually he manages to get David into a semblance of calm, and as soon as he thinks it’s safe to leave David alone without him completely spiralling he grabs his coat. 

“All right. I am heading to the motel to sort all this out with your dad. In the meantime, I have arranged for a massage to chill you out a little bit. So you can just lie down, relax, and not talk until we have a plan. All right?”

David shakes his head a little, but his eyes are bright. “How did you book a massage so last-minute?”

Patrick clamps down on a smile. “Oh no, all this was planned weeks ago. Just had a hunch you wouldn’t handle stress well today.”

In fairness, he hadn’t anticipated _we have no celebrant and no venue_ levels of stress when he booked the appointment.

It had better be a really, really phenomenal hand job. 

He double checks the table before he leaves, just to make sure that he’s placed the envelope of cash there, a note for the masseuse stuck to the front of it.

  


**STICKY NOTE:** _Please take very good care of David. I need him nice and calm for our wedding.  
Thanks!_

  


*******

“Okay, David, we’ve managed to secure a venue for tonight, and I really don’t want to hear anything but enthusiasm from you when I tell you.” He pulls off his now-soaked coat, hanging it up as he takes in David’s position on the bed; curled up with a mug in his hands, face relaxed. He glances smugly at Stevie, who is peering at David.

“You are shockingly calm for David Rose on his wedding day.”

She’s not wrong. Patrick expected the massage to take David’s frenetic energy from, say, a nine to a five, but David just spreads out his arms like he doesn't have a care in the world. Patrick’s not completely proud of the smug little thrill that runs through him, knowing he managed to arrange something that would unwind his perpetually wound-up almost-husband so thoroughly.

“I am. So, where are we getting married, an indoor parking garage?”

“Those were all full.” David cuts a glare at Stevie in response to the remark, and Patrick decides to rip off the Band-Aid before the effects of the massage are lost completely.

“We, uh, managed to get the town hall for the night.” When David doesn’t respond, just takes another sip of his drink, he barrels on. “And it’s dry, and everyone is chipping in, and your dad has promised me that he has everything under control.”

David closes his eyes for a long moment before opening them again. “Okay.”

Stevie stares at him. “Are you okay?”

“I mean, listen.” David pulls himself off the bed, all loose-limbed in the way he always is after really lazy sex — and they’re about to get _married_ and Stevie is _right next to him,_ Patrick _cannot_ get hard right now. He refuses to, even if he’s conditioned to feel a certain way about a post-orgasmic David, and he focuses on keeping his breathing steady as David continues. “Just because I didn’t have the town hall on my moodboard doesn’t mean we still can’t have fun. As long as my husband doesn’t stand me up at the altar, I don’t care where we get married.”

Patrick trades a grin with Stevie. “Wow, that massage really did a number, huh?”

“Uh, yeah. That was the first time I have ever received a happy ending.”

Stevie shakes her head. “I seriously can’t believe it worked _this_ well.”

“Wait, you knew about this?”

Stevie snorts. “Dude, it was my idea.” 

David glances between them. “Wow. I’ve always heard about things like that, but I’ve never actually gotten one. I am both shocked and impressed.”

“Was it good?”

Patrick’s glad Stevie asks the question so he doesn’t have to, although he’s pretty sure the answer is evidenced in David’s still-languid movements.

“Hmm.” David steps into Patrick’s space, pressing a long kiss to his lips that Patrick can’t help but relax into, even as a small portion of his brain is focused on the time and the schedule David painstakingly put together for everyone. “Nothing compares to my husband-to-be.”

“But…” Patrick squeezes David’s arm; an _it’s okay, I want to know_ squeeze that David interprets correctly, if the way his eyes sparkle a little is any indication.

“But…” David smirks. “He was a professional. He… knew what he was doing.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Patrick sees Stevie mouth _oh my god._ He swallows, mouth dry, and resolves to get every single detail out of David later. When they’re alone. And married.

“Okay, Stevie and I should go get ready. We will meet you at—” David swallows back a grimace— “town hall.”

“I love you.”

David pulls him in for one more kiss, and Patrick melts into it willingly. “I love you. Thank you for that, it’s exactly what I needed.” He steps back, just out of reach. “See you at the altar.”

Patrick grins back. In just a few hours, David will be his _husband_ — legally, officially, forever. “See you at the altar, David.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading! Come and find me on [Tumblr](http://yourbuttervoicedbeau.tumblr.com).


End file.
